Las leyes de Chuck Norris

chucknorris
Por la blogosfera anda circulando las distintas versiones de la biografía de Chuck Norris, el famoso actor karateca que ha hecho cualquier tipo de papel en el cine y televisión como tipo duro.

Chuck Norris ha representado durante 4 decadas a luchadores de artes marciales, instructor de ejercicios, soldado comando, ranger de texas, investigador privado, etc.

He tomado las mejores ideas y logros de este personaje y se las dejo para que se den cuenta que duro es Chuck Norris. Estas son las leyes de Chuck Norris:

  • Las lágrimas de Chuck Norris curan el cáncer. Es una pena que él no haya llorado nunca.
  • Chuck Norris no duerme. Espera.
  • Chuck Norris puede ganar el juego Conecta 4 en sólo 3 movimientos.
  • Chuck Norris no caza, porque la palabra caza implica la probabilidad de fracasar. Chuck Norris sale a matar.
  • En la letra pequeña de la última página del libro de los records Guinness dice que todos los records registrados fueron realizados por Chuck Norris, aquellos que aparecen listados ahí son los que más cerca le llegaron.
  • Chuck Norris murio hace 10 años, solo que La Muerte no ha tenido el valor de decirselo.
  • No hay mentón tras la barba de Chuck Norris. Tan sólo hay otro puño.
  • Chuck Norris una vez dió una patada voladora tan fuerte a un tipo, que su pié rompió la velocidad de la luz, viajó en el tiempo y mató a Amelia Earhart mientras volaba por el pacífico.
  • La principal exportación de Chuck Norris es el dolor.
  • Si puedes ver a Chuck Norris, él puede verte. Si no puedes ver a Chuck Norris, puede que estés a sólo unos segundos de la muerte.
  • No hay teoría de la evolución, solo una lista de criaturas a las que Chuck Norris permite vivir.
  • La Gran Muralla China fue creada originariamente para mantener alejado a Chuck Norris. Fracasó miserablemente.
  • Si le preguntas a Chuck Norris qué hora es, siempre responde “Faltan dos segundos”. Después de preguntarle “¿Dos segundos para qué?”, te pega una patada giratoria en la cara.
  • Cuando Chuck Norris manda su declaración de la renta, envía los formularios en blanco e incluye una foto suya, en guardia y listo para atacar. Chuck Norris nunca ha tenido que pagar sus impuestos.
  • El camino más rápido para llegar al corazón de un hombre es el puño de Chuck Norris.
  • ¿Que es lo último que pasa por las mentes de las víctimas de Chuck Norris? Sus botas.
  • Chuck Norris no hace mantequilla, propina patadas giratorias a las vacas y la mantequilla sale de ellas.
  • De adolescente, Chuck Norris dejó embarazadas a todas las enfermeras de un convento perdido en las colinas de la Toscana. Nueve meses después, las enfermeras dieron a luz a los Miami Dolphins de 1972, el único equipo imbatido de la historia del fútbol americano profesional.
  • Una señal de aparcamiento para minusválidos no significa que ese sitio esté reservado para minusválidos. En realidad, es una advertencia de que el sitio pertenece a Chuck Norris, y que te quedarás minusválido si estacionas ahí.
  • Alguien intentó decirle una vez a Chuck Norris que las patadas giratorias no son la mejor manera de dar una patada a alguien. Este hecho ha sido registrado por los historiadores como el peor error que nadie ha cometido jamás.
  • Si Chuck Norris llega tarde, más le vale al tiempo ir más despacio.
  • Nagasaki nunca recibió una bomba atómica. Chuck Norris saltó de un avión y dio un puñetazo en la tierra.
  • Chuck Norris derribó en una ocasión un avión alemán con su dedo gritando “Bang!”
  • Chuck Norris tiene dos velocidades: Caminar y Matar.
  • En lugar de ser parido como un bebé normal, Chuck Norris decidió abrirse paso a puñetazos desde el vientre de su madre.
  • Si buscas en Google “Chuck Norris siendo apaleado” te da 0 resultados, simplemente no puede suceder.
  • Chuck Norris puede cerrar de un golpe una puerta giratoria.
  • Mientras que muchas personas usan un pijama de superman, Superman usa un pijamas de Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris puede dividir entre cero.
  • Cuando Chuck Norris va a donar sangre no usa jeringuillas: Pide un cubo y un cuchillo.
  • Chuck Norris puede quemar una hormiga con una lupa… de noche.
  • Chuck Norris es la razón por la que Wally se esconde.
  • Chuck Norris dona sangre a la Cruz Roja frecuentemente. Sólo que nunca es la suya.
  • Las tortugas ninja están basadas en una historia real. Chuck Norris se comió una vez una tortuga entera, y cuando la cagó, ésta medía dos metros y había aprendido karate.

Vía: Javimoya

119 comentarios en “Las leyes de Chuck Norris”

  1. Chuck Norris puede abrir una puetra ke ya esta abierta

    Jesus camina sobre el agua….Chuck camian sobre Jesus

    Chuck Norris le enseño a manejar a bob esponja

    CUANDO UNO SE ENFERMA TIENE FIEBRE!!! CUANDO LA FIEBRE SE ENFERMA TIENE CHUCK NORRIS!!

  2. hey javier deberias poner algo del gran maestro bruce lee en tu blog de como nos influencio y lo sigue haciendo x generaciones ya q no lo pusiste el año pasado q se cumplieron 35 años de su muerte

  3. de Bruce Lee tengo uno. En The Way of the Dragon, Bruce le da una paliza a Chuck… y a Bruce no se le ha visto mas, verdad? jajajajaja, me encantan los Hechos de Chuck Norris

  4. chuck norris nesecita 20 minutos para ver 60 minutos

    papa noel existia lo que pasa fue que se le olvido el regalo de chuck norris

    dios no es imbicible se esconde de chuck norris

  5. chuck norris nesecita 20 minutos para ver 60 minutos

    papa noel existia lo que pasa fue que se le olvido el regalo de chuck norris

    dios no es imbicible se esconde de chuck norris

  6. muchas gracias por tus conocimientos cuck norris !!!!perdi 16 años de mi vida creyebdo en dios pero aora creo ke eres lo mejor del mundo gracias por tus conocimientos infinitos
    y bendito seas
    amen

  7. muchas gracias por tus conocimientos cuck norris !!!!perdi 16 años de mi vida creyebdo en dios pero aora creo ke eres lo mejor del mundo gracias por tus conocimientos infinitos
    y bendito seas
    amen

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    Try tto figure out solutions to your problems, aand don’t run away ffom them. Poor way of making decisions, memory loss, irritability, violent mood swings, behavioral changes, etc., are spme of the effects of loneliness on mental health. Thatt is one of them. So how can you cope with loneliness during a breakup? Back to the Future (1985) What would you do if you could travel in time to save a person you cared for? That dreaded day of hearts, chocolates aand flowers! For it is in giving, thatt we truly receive. Failure to rectify the situastion by either bringing in a companion animal from elsewhere or sending of the singleton to join other animals elsewhere woulpd mean they would fall foul oof the law. In reality, however, Singdr is none of these things; he is merely an ordinary, intelligent maan who onoy wants to be with his friend Antonapoulos.

    India has presently evolged into one of the most important journeyer places across thhe globe as visitors got the plenty of option to visit in India. Above all, good conversation tolerates sensible talks leading the daters online into a smoth exchange of ideas, opinion, and feedback. This feeling cann bee triggered byy four different situations: 1) Loss of a loved one. It can bee caused by a sudden, life-changing event such as loss of a beloved one or an illness. If youu have a puppy, a great option arre the new plush dog toys that can be warmed in the microwave to impersonate the feel of their siblings. If we’ve neglected social and famolial relationships ither through disenfranchisement, busyness, or preoccupation a longing for relational connectivity often occurs. The drama is also to await. Proper sleep is a necessity for ouur body to function normally.

    I found that when I was alone while studying or working oon a project, much like this site, I performed better; I worked forr longer and concentrated harder. Whatever is the iidea in your mind, India will provide you all and the travel guide lonely planet will give yoou complete direction to go too the different regions of the country. Thsse buildings tell the best deal concerning the rich historical ancient past of the place. Meefing people, socializing, catching up with old friends, and making new friends are the cures for loneliness. Loneliness is a bigger problem for more people today than at any previous time in history. Log on to free chat rooms to forgee enuine relationships online. On the positive side, being lonely is essential to understand the worth of a good company. He keeps all the parts off his life compartmentalized-the past from the present, his life upstairs in his room from hiss life downstairs inn the restaurant, and his marital relationship from his sexual life. There are several number of travelers visions iin Mumbaqi such as Gateway of India, Elephanta Caves, Nashik, Flora Fountain, Juhhu Beach, Prince of Wales Museum, etc.

    By bigfish : A how to tutorial about Lonely Dream Walkthrough, Haunted Hotel Walkthrough, Game Walkthrough, Gamin with step by step guide from bigfish. It is difficult to have a complete trip of this country in a short span of time.

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